The 7 Essentials to effectively parent your Footballer

As parent you are a key member of your son’s/daughter’s football support team. Your role is to parent your son/daughter with purpose and patience to give them a sense of certainty and predictability in their lifeworld at and away from the football club. Knowing that their lifeworld is supportive and predictable will allow them to concentrate on achieving their goal in football.

Parenting your son/daughter in today’s complex fast changing world presents a parent with a tough challenge.  My experience is that by being aware of and working on (over time) what I believe are the 7 Parenting Essentials will help you meet the challenge.

Parenting Essentials:

# 1. Be a parent not a pal.

# 2. Have a parent wish.

# 3. Maintain your personal wellbeing.

# 4. Nurture the wellness of your Teenager.

# 5. Parent mindfully with purpose and patience.

# 6. Teach and consistently enforce family rules.

# 7. Keep open lines of communication and ensure your Teenager feels loved, important and connected.

Parenting Essential 1. Be A Parent Not A Pal

As a parent you are the leader of your family. Your role and responsibility is to ensure their wellbeing and safety and to lead and support your son/daughter on their journey through the teenage years to adulthood. Your son’s/daughter’s role is to be a much loved, valued and respected and responsible individual within the family. It is vital that you both understand and accept these roles. Your effectiveness in parenting your son/daughter depends on your leadership.

Parenting Essential 2: Have A Parent Wish

To maximise your parenting effectiveness you need to have a ‘Parent Wish’ to guide your thinking and action as you go about the day-to-day parenting of your son/daughter. Your ‘Parent Wish’ represents the inner most enduring wish you hold for your son/daughter in life. Your ‘Parent Wish’ should be future focused and could include, for example, that your son/daughter:  

* Always seeks the truth

 * Always keeps their mind open to possibilities

 * Keeps good health and maintains courage to face life’s challenge.

Parenting Essential 3: Maintain Your Personal Wellbeing

To effectively parent your son/daughter you need to work at maintaining your personal wellbeing- your inner contentment and being at peace with the world. Having a feeling of wellbeing will give you strength, hope and energy to keep parenting, especially through the difficult sometimes seemingly hopeless times. To achieve a sense of wellbeing you need to regularly find time just for you. This is your ‘Parent Time.’ It might be engaging in a favourite pastime such as reading or gardening, or a sporting or other physical activity or just walking the dog. It could also be going to your favourite place for time-out by yourself. What is important is that you make your ‘Parent Time’ a high priority part of your weekly routine.

`Parenting Essential 4:  Nurture the Personal Wellbeing of Your Son/Daughter.

By having a positive attitude yourself and promoting a healthy lifestyle through providing healthy food and encouraging your son/daughter to get sufficient sleep will strengthen their self-esteem and overall wellbeing. Self-esteem is the building block of becoming a well-adjusted happy adult and is developed in your son/daughter when they live in a supportive, predictable and reliable environment that communicates unconditional love for them and that they matter and are worthwhile. Your son’s/daughter’s self-esteem  and wellbeing will be further strengthened if they are encouraged to do things they like away from football with groups and other individuals who share their interests.

Parenting Essential 5:  Parenting Mindfully with Purpose and Patience.

Parenting mindfully with purpose and patience is the key to effectively parenting your son/daughter. Mindful parenting is about paying attention to your thinking and staying focused on the present-the here and now.

Parenting Essential 6:    Teach and Consistently Enforce Family Rules.

You should not be afraid to set and enforce rules. Living without rules provokes uncertainty and anxiety in your son/daughter and makes it harder for them to learn how to achieve the balance between getting what they want and respecting the needs of others. Rules should be as few in number as possible and ‘bottom line’ to ensure the functioning of the family. Rules should address personal physical safety, personal respect, respect for the property of an individual, daily routines and communication when away from home. Remember to use only enforceable behaviour consequence statements-ones you can and will enforce.

Parenting Essential 7: Keep open lines of communication.

Keeping open lines of communication will help you stay connected to your son/daughter. Choose the right moment to communicate with your son/daughter remembering that it is best to resolve problems cooperatively with cool heads. Be conscious of your tone of voice, facial expressions, demeanour and body language. Don’t accuse, insult or talk down to your son/daughter. When in conversation give them your full attention. Maintain a sense of humour and hope.

5 Golden Rules of Talking to your son/daughter.

GIVE FULL ATTENTION–Make eye contact and focus on their content and be playful.

SOUND INTERESTED-Tone must match content.

ASK LOTS OF QUESTIONS–Signals interest and engagement.

FEEDBACK–Reflect back in a paraphrase what you have heard.

PRAISE-Their ability to explain things

Take away message:

There is no such thing as a ‘Perfect Parent’….. We all have our good and not so good days…. What matters is your intent over time. If you work on using the 7 Parenting Essentials your son/daughter will be better able to focus on their football.

Please don’t hesitate to contact me via email or 0438184994 for support.

Best wishes

Jeff

Dr. J. Kemp OAM